now this is a great story....

a couple of weekends ago, brian and i headed to florida for his sister's wedding. we arrived thursday evening and were greeted by overcast and slightly drizzly skies. friday morning was worse. it was a freakin' downpour and the family was hoping for an outside ceremony. it rained hard all day long. at 5pm we got in the car to head to the country club for the rehearsal. it was raining so hard and traffic was so bad it took us almost an hour to make a 20 minute drive. once we arrived we found out that the wedding coordinator had had to move the wedding that was currently taking place indoors due to the weather and therefore had no place for us to perform the rehearsal. this was the first of a series of unfortunate events that were about to take place over the course of the weekend.

well, we all bucked up and figured everyone present had probably been in a wedding or at least seen enough of them to know what to do so we all just headed to the restaurant where the rehearsal dinner was being held. alot of family had gotten in that afternoon for the wedding and so it was a fun time catching up with everyone.

saturday morning we woke up to blue skies and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. now we only had to hope that the sun would dry up the ground enough to be able to keep the ceremony outside. i went with joan, brian's mother, to the hotel where renee, brian's sister, was getting ready for the ceremony with her bridesmaids. brian went with his dad to the best man's house to meet luis, the groom. the boys donned their tuxes and headed to the country club. luis, being a part-time party dj, was focused on getting the hired dj set up and ready to go. i have no idea what the rest of the guys did other than stand around and say hello to everyone, but the ground was dry and everything was set up outside.

the girls took a little long to get ready and we left the hotel in the limo at 5:05. the ceremony was supposed to start at 5:00. since we are running a bit behind, it was decided that once we got to the club i would let luis know that we are all here and take my seat and everything would get started. dutifully i did just that. the music started and the mother's were sat. the three bridesmaids came down the aisle one at a time followed by the flower girl and ring bearer. once they were all down the aisle and placed, the music changed and everyone stood. the doors to the club opened and renee and her dad began the long walk through the trees to the end of the aisle.

now, there is rain on horizon. we can see it, it is coming. however, we have been told that it is not supposed to hit us for a few minutes yet and so we should be able to finish the ceremony before disaster strikes.

just as renee and tony, her dad, reached the top of the aisle and begin walking down through the rows of friends and family, a double rainbow appears over head. for those of you who know don't her, renee is a HUGE fan of everything disney and precious moments, so the fact that a rainbow is present at her ceremony is just beyond perfect. in fact everything is perfect. she is radiant, the groom is handsome, the guests are beautiful and everyone is excited. we watch her make her way to the end of the aisle and she and tony stop. i wait for him to lift her veil and hand her off, but nothing is happening. and then i hear it. under her veil renee is asking her dad, "Where the fuck's the minister?"

he's not there! it's just an empty microphone under the arbor! the ENTIRE procession happened without anyone noticing that the minister was not there. Holy Effin' Crap! i can't help but to laugh a little while i think to myself, "can i just jump up there and do this thing? it won't be legal. is there someone in the crowd that can do it? do i know any good jokes?" the best man goes running off to find the wedding coordinator and luis steps behind the arbor (as if you can't see someone standing behind an arbor) and pulls out his cell phone and calls the minister. turns out he is in his car in the parking lot. he thought the ceremony started at 6pm!

anyhoo....at this point the rain has made it's way to the club and so everyone rushes inside. the wedding coordinator informs us that a room had already been set up for the ceremony in case of rain and so we will go ahead and use it. the guests are ushered in and the girls are sent to the bridal waiting room - which is really nothing more than a large closet with some very old couches in it. once all the girls are in the room and we have a moment to catch our breath, renee begins to tear up a bit. it is at this point that a friend of her's says, "well, looks like you got your rehearsal!"

we are informed by the less than apologetic wedding coordinator that everyone is seated, so I go and take my seat and we do the whole thing again. the mothers' are seated, the bridesmaids, the flower girl and ring bearer. music changes, we stand, renee and tony come in and the ceremony begins. the minister is reading from his notebook like a fifth grader giving a report on insects. he is reading word by word and not looking up or displaying any emotion. he is so engrossed in his reading that he does not realize that he has begun to read the lesson which renee's aunt carol flew down from pennsylvania to do. god bless her, carol just quietly walked up and stood next to the minister and stared him down until he realized what he was doing and passed it off to her to finish. we said the lord's prayer, a unity candle was lit and he started reading off the ring exchange without any sort of, "now renee and luis, face each other and repeat after me." it took renee and luis a second to realize that that was what was going on so they quickly turned to each other and began repeating the exchange. the minister pronounced them married and everyone gave a whopping round of applause as the wedding party made their way down the aisle.

after the guests filed out of the room and made their way to the cocktail hour setting, the wedding party moved back into the ceremony room for pictures. some of the staff brought in a plate of hors d'ourves and cocktails for everyone while we all got switched around in and out of pictures. at one point the photographer wanted to get some pics of just renee with the bridesmaids at which point luis walks up to me and says, "i never said 'i do'." i stare at him. huh? i think about it. he's right! the minister SKIPPED the VOWS!

come on now. say it with me.

"oh!"
"mah!"
"gah!"